Thursday, 3 December 2009

Sickly sweet and cheesy feet

My assault on the long man and the clippy cloppy womans bed has commenced! This morning, when the clinky tinkly noises from the man that brings the white water that the little people drink woke me, and it was still dark, I began stage one of operation shift-up-people-I-want-this-bed. (Not the catchiest operation name I'll admit but I think, descriptively, I've nailed it.) Ever so quietly I slipped my head beneath the covers near the long mans feet, which, incidentally, smell lovely and taste of cheese, before wriggling and crawling up towards the other end. You could've sliced through the tension with one of those things the people use to put that yellow stuff on their bread. I froze and held my breath everytime the clippy cloppy woman, who is an annoyingly light and restless sleeper, moved, mumbled or made that snorty noise. My nerves were well and truly wracked by the time I approached my ultimate destination. As I neared my goal I began to get more and more excited, until, after what seemed like an age, my head popped out from underneath the covers right near the long mans chin. Before I knew it my tail had involuntarily started to wag, hitting him in the chest. He stirred and opened his eyes, I thought the game was up, but no, to my surprise he smiled, said "good girl" and pulled me close. Ooooh he was sooooo warm, it was like being back in the pile of my siblings when I was at the rescue centre and before I knew it I was asleep again, dreaming of big, bright and tasty chewy things that floated all around me, and for some odd reason a black plastic bag. Go figure.
At some point later I felt the clippy cloppy woman begin to stir, and before I knew it she'd flung her arm across the long mans body, her hand coming to rest on my tummy. I was mortified, convinced all my hard work tunneling under the covers had been wasted and I was soon to be returned to the floor, but no! She simply said "whats this?", the long man laughed and said "sorry baby" (Oh they're so sickly sweet sometimes.), she made a tutty noise and all was quiet again. Result! I'm beginning to think the long man, for all his shouty, sweary bravado, is probably the weak link in my enemies defences. I shall exploit that fact and, mark my words, before long, in the battle of the bed, I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS.

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