Sunday, 27 December 2009

Crowded house

So much has happened in such a short time I really don't know where to start this entry, it's been like a madhouse around here. I'm as tired as, well, a tired thing. And then some. Visitors aplenty, although the much anticipated visit from that Chris bloke turned out to be a real disappointment. Apparently, so the story goes, he turned up in the middle of the night after we were all asleep and snuck down the chimney to leave his gifts. A likely story! For one thing, the gifts he supposedly left for us all smelled suspiciously like the bags that the clippy cloppy woman has had in the back of the cupboard where she keeps her slippers for the last week or two. Bags which have now mysteriously disappeared. Coincidence? I think not! I'm beginning to doubt this Chris bloke even exists.

Many of the people that came visiting were people I am already aquainted with - Audrey, the shouty woman, the lady with the clicky ankle, the cat lady and the lady with the black furry coat - but they were joined by a plethora of new faces. There was a little person that wasn't very little and looked very much like the long man, but not as long. I think I'll call him the little long man. And then there was the little long mans brother, who had a scratchy chin, and the scratchy chinned mans special friend. They were all very smiley, and of course yours truly was very soon the centre of attention, as befits a puppy of my calibre.

The people spent most of the morning giving one and other gifts. I kept count and by my reckoning the little people did the best out of the arrangement by far. They certainly received the most gifts and I didn't actually see them give anyone a gift back. Canny little tykes, those two. Their gifts were also, without a shadow of a doubt, the nicest to chew. Should keep me going for a few weeks at least.

The room where the clippy cloppy woman makes the food smelled delicious all morning. The air was thick with meaty, greasy, drool inducing aromas that must've had the same effect on the people as on myself, since they all ate so much food at dinner time. Especially the little long man and the scratchy chinned man, my goodness they certainly do have good appetites, and just like Audrey they most certainly do NOT like to share food! Thank heavens for my long man, who kept "accidentally" dropping little, and some times not so little, pieces of meat on the floor. I was having the most magnificent little secret feast until Audrey, the bloody nuiscence, cottoned on to what was occuring. She made such a fuss, barking and biting my neck, that everyone noticed mine and the long man's little arrangement. Nice one Audrey, remind me to come around to your house some time and curl a poo out onto the shouty womans bed. I'll frame you, you selfish little swine, see if I don't. No one crosses me, especially where hot, greasy, succulent meat is concerned. Don't dream it's over!

The people all spent the evening laughing a lot and gulping down lots of odd smelling drinks. Goodness they were loud, especially the shouty woman. Both Audrey and myself were really beginning to tire of the peoples wobbly legged shenanigans when suddenly, one by one and two by two, they all decided enough was enough and started to go to bed. Eventually the house was quiet, and I decided to sleep on the bed with the scratchy chinned man and his special friend. That turned out to be the worst possible place to try and get some shut eye. No sooner had I begun to dream, this time about those flappy, feathery, screechy, whistly things I see in the sky some times, than the scratchy chinned mans special friend was up like a shot, making gurgly, groany noises and dashing to the room where the people poo, bouncing off every wall en route. She dropped to her knees and sniffed the bowl they poo into, which can't have smelled very nice because she immediately shouted "Ohhhhh gorrrrd" and started spewing up most, if not all, of what she had spent all day eating and drinking. She is very wasteful, because when she had finished she just left it and wobbled back to bed. Still, her loss. It was delicious.

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