Thursday, 31 December 2009

The ballad of Ronnie and pride

Went to a place called Worden Park with the long man this afternoon. It was very enjoyable. Full of ducks and ponds and trees and poo (Some of it not even dog's poo.) to sniff. Whilst there I met with a big old black Labrador called Ben. He tried to give me a bit of advice on the do's and don't's of living with these needy people, the kind of tricks I need to learn to get an easy life. Apparently I should swallow my pride and learn to toe the line. I should only ever poo outside, should stay off the bed, should never hump a pillow no matter how bored I am, shouldn't bark while they're all sat eating at the dinner table and must NEVER rip things up or chew the little people's things. Bloody hell, what's left after you take all that out of your day? Some dog's have no self respect, I bet the cold winter nights just fly by in Ben's house. When I eventually seize power then weak, cowardly dogs like Ben will be first up against the wall, along with the filthy cats. There will be NO room in my brave new world order for weakness or cowardice. Or cats. Swallow my pride, NEVER!

Last night the clippy cloppy woman said that I had been given the wrong name and that I should really be called "Chastity". She mentioned it just after I squeezed into the bed between the two of them while they were doing that thing where they bump their lips together. If she thinks I'm answering to that name then she's got another think coming. I begrudge answering to the name I've already been saddled with.

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