My karma ran over my dogma

Goodness me I was bored today. The long man was out for ages, he didn't get home till long after the "beep-beep-beep-beep-beeeeep" noise on the radio. Another five minutes and I'd have taken a poo on the kitchen floor just to spite him. I let him make himself a cup of tea before I started teaching him a new trick. I put my paw up in the air for him to hold and shake and he gives me a little piece of meat out of his left over sandwiches. (Left over food is a concept I don't understand, I never have left over food. I sometimes have food I haven't eaten yet, but I wouldn't say it was left over.) Later, after the long man, the clippy cloppy woman and the little people had eaten, I decided to do a little more work on the trick and blow me, the little people copied him. They're more clever than they look. I didn't have to show them, they just picked it up from watching him. Bless them.

The long man and I went for a little wander earlier. I do enjoy the afternoon walks, people are in less of a rush and I get far more attention. One lady, who had a bag and smelled of sausages, stopped to give me a bit of a tickle and asked the long man "Is she a bitch?" Far from springing to my defence he replied "Yes". The bloody cheek of it. I mean come on, I ask you, do I seem in the least bit bitchy to you? I was livid. When we got back to this dump I made sure to pee all over the settee. Unfortunately the long man didn't notice and I forgot, then I jumped up onto the settee for a bit of a lie down and slipped all over the place, covered in my own filthy wee-wee. Thats karma that is.

The clippy cloppy woman is, as I write, pushing that noisy, sucky thing around on the cow skin in the other room, sucking up all the bits of biscuit and chewed up bouncy ball that I've spent all day spreading around. I don't know why she's bothering, I'd have eaten it all later anyway. Now I'm going to have to start over and at this rate I'll have no bouncy balls left. Wonder if Chris will bring me some when he visits. Bouncy balls and biscuits, lovely.

The long man is asleep on the settee, I'll have to wake him soon or he'll not sleep tonight. I'll take him out for another quick walk, once that bloody clippy cloppy woman has finished pushing that annoying contraption around in there.