It's a dogs life

The long man came back into the house much earlier than usual today, caught me quite unawares he did. There I was, spread eagled on the settee, chewing the papery things that come through the hole in the front door every morning, and in he walks, bold as brass, disturbing my "me" time. He seemed so excited though, I just had to make a big fuss of him. The poor thing, he does seem to miss me.

This week I have had some moderate success training the long man. I have found that if, in the night, I awake needing a poo, I just have to clamber up onto the bed and gently claw at his face and he'll get up and let me out into the garden to do my dirty business. No more sleeping next to a dollop of my own excrement! I might try and teach him a few cute tricks next.

I've found that the little people aren't nearly so easy to train, they're far too boisterous. Maybe I'll have a better chance when they get a little older, bless them.

Oh, and as for the clippy cloppy woman, I think she might need a tonic or a diet change, she's so lethargic. She never has a nice little roll about on the floor with me, and she seems to resent the loving bites and scratches I give her. Very ungracious I must say. I think she might be a little jealous of the attention I give the other three, I'll make a special effort when she gets home later.